Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
