If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
