Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
