She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
