i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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