just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
