I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize