I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
You ruined the universe
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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