i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
