I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
