How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
