I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
