every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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