Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
