i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
My feet surprised me
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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