Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
