Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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