i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize