we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
