I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
