Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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