At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
