so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
