Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Randomize
