How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
