Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
