im gay
i know
yea but for you.
My cat gives me a boner
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Randomize
