Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
