: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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