Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
