Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
