I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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