Pass out mid-funnel last night.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
