By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
either way he was missing a nipple.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
