somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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