i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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