all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
