I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize