Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Randomize
