Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I just want to make out with him forever
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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