I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
