I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
