then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
