ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
