I smell stomach acid.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
That's when you crack a 10am beer
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
