even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
