I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
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