well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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