Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
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