even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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