Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
