A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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