So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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