Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
