I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
