I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
