I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
How external is "for external use only"?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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