sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
