using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
