Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
