ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
