There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
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