then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
