party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
