He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
